ENVY RETURNS FRIDAY MARCH 19TH!!

Envy is taking you back...waaaaay back! Get ready to hear all your favourite old school tracks in an extra funky Friday night special. We're taking all your new jack swing requests so hit me up! Just to get you in the mood, here's the title song from one of my FAVE 90s flicks "White Men Can't Jump"!

mmmmmm.

Two things that suck at the moment - being broke from Melbourne, and attempting to do the no carbs thing because of the weight I've put on from Melbourne. Especially when you feast your eyes on goodies like this. Cupcakes Couture. Fair enough I can't afford Gucci. But when you can't even afford a cupcake with Gucci icing, that's even more lame. *Sigh*

GOOD VIBES MELBOURNE!!

Just got back from Melbourne and I am beyond buggered!!! I wanted front row at the Roots stage at Good Vibes so we got there early and stood in the same position for 7 hours straight with no food. But it was all worth it!! Cuz I got prime position to see Travie from Gym Class Heroes!!! OHHHHHH LORD HE IS FINE. Not to mention Kid Cudi came off the stage and poured straight grey goose into my girl Nicole's mouth!!!! IT WAS OFF THE CHIZZAIN. Anyway, too tired to blog so here are a few pics. Enjoy x

FIYAHHHH

WTF!

Here are some images from my 25th bday night. I have no idea who owns this red car that I find myself sitting in. Apologies to the owner!!!

OOOOWEEEE!

Ok i'm super dooper excitable because not only is my 25th birthday only 4 days away (weeeeee!) but I'm celebrating with all my special ladies at the Good Vibes festival in Melbourne in 2 weeks time!!!!!!!! Whoooooo hooooooo!!! As you can see, it's kinda hitting me now. The line up is fucking insane. And yes, I've mentioned before that I have a leeeedle crush on Travis McCoy from Gym Class Heroes and may or may not be stalking him at several parties after the show...Why Katy Perry would choose Russell Brand over him makes no sense to me at all. haha well anyway, in my blog surfing tonight I came upon the HOLY GRAIL of blogs - Travis McCoy's OWN PERSONAL BLOG! Is it weird that I get so excited about these things? Well I don't care, it's made my night! If ya wanna check it out, here's the link http://traviesblog.com and here's a funny video i nabbed from it :) (makes sense if you've seen the youtube video of the kid who has just been to the dentist lol)

Travie goes to the dentist..... from Travie McCoy on Vimeo.

In other news, I'll be sure to post pics of my 25th birthday night where I'm hitting up Sugar Club in Adelaide. Haven't been there in years! Hope to see some old and new faces. I have to work the next day at 9am so I'm gonna try and keep Minaj under control or things could get nasty!!! hahahaha

Adorable.

formspring.me

Ask me anything. I'll tell the truth. Promise! http://formspring.me/evaemail

:)

Philosophy 101: Fuck Love.

In her interview post-beating, Rihanna said "Don't react off love. F*#! Love". FUCK LOVE. It's like the 2010 remix of "Love is Blind". And we all know it's true. Love is like Photoshop. It blurs, smudges; it takes something which may have very visible flaws and transforms it to something like perfection, in the eyes of its creator of course. This is important, is Love a creation? Is it something which we make up in our minds in order to fulfil some kind of strange emptiness, because we don't want to be alone? And if it's of our own creation, can we just as easily destroy it? Is it even real if it is a creation of the mind?

It seems pessimistic to not believe in Love. In uni, I remember countless conversations between 3 of us girl buddies debating about this topic. Miss A believed there was no such thing as love. Miss B fervently defended love. And I sat in between, waiting for an argument to convince me either/or. I will admit though, at the age of 18, my inclination was pro-Love - that it did exist, but I lacked the experience of love which would make it a fact.

Seven years later, and my opinions about love have gone from hopeful, to essential, to inconsequential. Now, Love to me seems something constructed, binding and yes, blinding. When I reflect on being in a relationship, I see how restricted I was and how utterly dependent I was on another human being. To be so dependent on someone is a dangerous thing, because when that someone is taken away, where does that leave you?


What bothers me about Love is that it makes you stupid. It makes you forgive the unforgivable. And sometimes that means we hurt ourselves over and over again because love makes us focus on the good and forget the bad. When you say it like that, it doesn't seem like such a bad thing. What's so bad about seeing the best in people all the time? Nothing of course, it's very positive for you to think like that but the fact is, it AIN'T REALITY. I want to live my life with TRUTH. I want to see things as they really are, not some photoshopped version which satisfies my own insecurities. 


Another cliche, "love is a drug". Yes, it does leave you light-headed. It takes away your focus. It's addictive. I've been through my drug phase, and yo drugs are cool and I have no regrets...but in the future, I don't wanna do drugs. For me, I feel stronger, freer and I concentrate better when I am not drugged up on love. This love thing might work for some of you, and to those I say all the best. I'm not saying every relationship out there is fucked because I know many happy couples. And these couples are the ones who have no image between them; they see each other for who they really are and are not blinded by some kind of perfection or expectation they have created in their minds. 


To all my single ladies I will just say, "never be a stupid bitch" and if you're gonna get into this love game, just remember to keep your eyes open and don't start blurring up shit. See things as they really are, or you won't be fucking love...love will be fucking YOU. 

Does anyone else see a resemblance?

Is anyone else picking up on the similarities here between Gary Coleman and Yoda??? Ewwwww.

You WILL Get Bitchslapped.

You know what, I said to myself I wouldn't comment on this Tiger Woods bullshit because frankly I don't give a fuck about what celebrities do with their lives. I mean, I like to know the latest news out of curiousity, but as for making judgements on their actions...well, it's not really my place. Celebrity lives are simply there for my entertainment, something to laugh at when I'm bored. But as I was watching Entertainment Tonight's report on Tiger this morning, it actually got a reaction out of me. Apparently (and I mean apparently because this IS Entertainment Tonight after all), Tiger is in "Sex Rehab". Apparently, Tiger has been diagnosed with having a sex addiction and he needs to go through therapy to cure himself of it. Whether this is true or not, this whole idea is just a bullshit cop out. I think it's pathetic that every time a celebrity cheats on his wife, he suddenly has a sex disease. Well you know what, Tiger Woods DOES have a disease, but it's not sex-related. He simply has "I'm-a-lying-fucking-tool-who-likes-to-fuck-a-bunch-of-chicks-and-then-hurt-my-wife-and-family-itis". And the only way to cure that is to get bitch-slapped by his wife. That's all Mrs Woods was doing when she was chasing him down with a golf club - she was just trying to cure Tiger from this horrible disease. Club his head in I say. Anyway the thing is, men love sex and many find it hard staying monogamous. But there are also many guys who ARE very loyal, despite temptations, and these are the men who have integrity and true regard for their loved ones. The ones who give into physical desires are weak and pathetic and do not deserve to get out of jail free on the "sex disease" card.

I've wasted enough words on this already. I've got a lot of bad celebrity news shows/Hannah Montana/midday movies to watch this week so expect more random rants like these. Just know that if you cheat, do not expect anything less than a golf club to the head from me. That is all.

What Time Is It? It's Drool Time.

I was a deprived child.

I have never been a "girly girl". Having a brother resulted in games of bed-wrestling, miniature toy car floor shows and make-believe games set in Space (aka the backyard). It was awesome! But I still had my girly side - and I wanted a Polly Pocket like everyone else at school. Shevahn was the girl in my class who would rock up to school with whatever coolest toy was out at the time and parade it in front of our faces. Most of us  had a secret hate for her - well, as much hate as one can have at 8 years old. But the one thing that I really wanted was a Barbie. Back in the day, times were tough, so my Mum couldn't really afford to splash out on heaps of toys. Mum told me Barbies were too expensive, so I remember thinking they must have cost, like, $100! That further created an idea in my mind of how extravagant Barbie was (although years later I found out a new Barbie was no-where near that expensive!).

I eventually did own ONE Barbie. But I was never allowed to play with it - it was apparently only for display purposes. My mum would stand the Barbie in the middle of our dining table as if it was a vase or something. I am not shitting you. As a little girl, do you know how torturous it was to have a Barbie and never be allowed to play with it? I would walk past it multiple times a day, looking at its perfect shaped, lightly tanned body and shiny, long blonde hair. Oh, to play with Barbie!! One Christmas I guessed that I was getting a real Barbie from my Auntie...but when I ripped open the wrapping eagerly, my hopes were shattered. I was given a Barbie imitation which was only half as beautiful and made out of some kind of cheap, soft plastic which if prodded, would create holes in FakeBarbie's legs. I never complained. But somewhere inside, over the years of cool-toy-deprivation, some issues began to emerge. And I feel that my current fascination with all things pretty, pink and hourglass-shaped has some relation to the fact I was never allowed to fulfil my childhood girly-ness.

Only recently I asked my mother why I was never allowed to play with the doll. She replied: "Because you used to try and cut its hair". If that isn't a crystal-clear indication of the level of strict discipline I was forced to comply with as a child, I don't know what is. And Mum wonders why I am the rebellious one.

Aaaanyway, this post was inspired by the new Rocawear Barbies that have just come out! They come in all shades of chocolate and are of course decked out in the cutest little Rocawear outfits! I've also developed a small fascination with Ann-Margaret, who was popular in the 60s for musical films like Bye Bye Birdie and Viva Las Vegas. I like her because she reminds me of a Barbie doll, of course. I was watching Viva Las Vegas on TV today and it's just such a cool era with all the cute little costumes and funny rock and roll dancing. Interestingly, she apparently had an affair with Elvis, who co-starred with her!! Jealous. The celebs of today just do not have the same kind of classy beauty that they had in the 50s and 60s *sigh*.

Here is a clip from Viva Las Vegas which is my absolute favourite!! It's a sexy/funny dance scene between Elvis and Ann-Margaret - I think the dance is called "The Squat" and it's so cute! Watch it and see what I mean. The song is called "The Climb" and it's performed by Forte Four.

Hot Shit.

These tees are from BePriv Paris...get em at Karmaloop or Beprivparis.com. So badly want one. They only cost like 50 bucks!! Yayerrrrr! Who's got 50 bucks?

Birthday Wish List!

It's 40 degrees outside people!! I am curled up on my couch cranking the AC and surfing the web...AAAAND since it's my birthday coming up, I figured I'd do a post of all the things I would buy if I wasn't Queen of Broketown.

#1 A whole bunch of Wildfox clothing - I heart.

#2 Purple Jordans - I'm a little obsessed with this colour at the moment; it started when I saw my boy Eddie (pictured with DJ Krunk below) wearing this purple hat...now I'm suddenly picking up on this colour everywhere!!

#3 iPhone! - I neeeeed a new phone badly. Stupid Samsung Ultra Touch! More like Ultra Douche!

#4 geek glasses - These shall come in handy this year at uni. just pop them on and suddenly you have the psuedo brain power to last through that Chemistry lecture, all the while looking totally geek chic. Too bad I can't actually SEE any better with them. Which leads to my next wish-list item...

#5 Lasik eye surgery - So i can look geek chic AND be able to read the blackboard.

#6 a Ruggle - Jack Russel X Pug. A picture says a thousand words. Thanks for letting me in on this Clint :)

How To Lose a Girl in 2 Seconds

This is me trying to escape from the "cheek-licker".

This post is inspired by that lovely Croatian fellow I met a few weeks ago (and by lovely, I mean fucking annoying). His attempt at picking me up included grabbing me forcefully and threatening that if I left my position by his side he would then STALK me. Fail.

So, guys listen up. This is how to lose a girl in 2 seconds. Based on real events.

1. Tell her your idol is "Sexual Harassment Panda" from South Park because you can have so much in common with the character. (Yes, this actually happened. The guy proceeded to try and lick my cheek within minutes of being introduced)

2. After she tells you she has absolutely no interest in politics and history, go on to explain everything you know about british colonial times. (Riveting)

3. Why talk? Just grab her arse lasciviously in front of all her friends. (You'll not only lose her, but you may acquire a black eye)

4. Use the line: "So...when are you going to buy me a drink?" (Arrogant, assuming, and makes you look like a tight ass. Attractive? I think not)

5. If you're over 25, tell her you still live with your Mum. (I'm sorry, but cut the fucking cord)

6. In conversation, keep on referring to things you've read in her status updates or seen in comments on her Facebook. (This is just creepy. Especially when you don't even realise this person is your friend on FB)

7. Whilst making out, bite her lip like you're a dog with a chew toy. (I was once left with a badly bruised and swollen lower lip thanks to this technique. I call this 'facial harassment')

8. Wear crocs. (Seriously, why do these shoes even exist!!!!They are a fucking abomination!)

9. At the end of every sentence add "shawty" or "mami". (Especially if you're a white boy. I ain't your shawty. And you ain't Lil Wayne. Shit, even Lil Wayne probably wouldn't call me that so just shut the fuck up)

And finally...

10. Tell her how much you love asians. (This one is specific to me. Maybe you do love asians, but don't tell me that because it makes me feel like you would pick up any chinky-eyed bitch you ran into. It just doesn't make me feel very...special *sigh*. That is all HAHAHA)

Girls, if you have anything to add to this list, please leave a comment! :)

Things I am Thankful For Today.

Green tea - which by some miracle seems to dissolve all the fat in my belly after eating large amounts of chocolate or junk food.

My housemate - who does NOT subject me to midday orgies and conversations about banana-flavoured condoms. Thank you.

The couch that my housemate bought - on which I can sprawl out on comfortably as opposed to having painful leg cramps from being contorted into a knot on our previous lounge which was apparently made for midgets.

Music - which I have an intensely unique personal connection with, along with the rest of the world.

Beautiful people - who incite a a strangely addictive feeling of admiration and envy within myself and who inspire me to develop an eating disorder so clothes will hang off me fashionably also.

Spencer Pratt - whose ridiculous attempts at rapping and everyday douchebag tactics make me laugh. And want to punch him in the head. Which is a very satisfying thought.

It just dawned on me...

If I haven't already made it blatantly apparent by now - I LOVE NICKI MINAJ. And I'm not devoting this blog to her so I can list the various reasons why she is the issssh. I am compelled to look at the reasons why she is loved, but more so the reasons why she is so hated. See, every time I mention Minaj (AKA Nicki the Ninja AKA Miss Lewinski AKA The Harajuku Barbie) I get most people recoiling in disgust, and when I ask people why they react this way, they put it down to Nicki being "nasty", "foul-mouthed" or a "rude gyal". Truth is, fuck yeah, she IS all these things. Look at her - she looks like a dirty ghetto version of Lauren London - she's gorgeous but her "titties are bigger than Pamela" and she poses on her mixtape covers as if she's auditioning for the next instalment of Pirates (not the Keira Knightley version, duh). Her rhymes are all about how much of a bad bitch she is, how much she loves lesbians, how great her coochie is and how she shits on every other female rapper out there. So yeah, maybe she IS a "rude gyal". But let me say this...

Number one - how is what she's rapping about any different to what any other guy rapper is talking about on their tracks? All the big dudes in the game are spitting about fucking chicks, how hot they are, how many drugs they take and how much better they are than everyone else...and I'm pretty sure they ain't using pretty language either. Image-wise, there are a bunch of rappers out there who are dirty as hell, making film clips about "pussy poppin" that can't even be shown on MTV. Yet you don't see anyone telling these dudes they are nasty. It's considered cool, an image to be aspired to.

So this just says to me that there are some serious double standards going on. Hell, it doesn't surprise me, this has been going on since the dawn of time. Men can be dirty as hell and be considered gods...but when a woman comes along doing the same thing she is a nasty bitch and is hated on hard. It's stupid and unfair.

And i'm confused guys...Isn't a nasty girl what all you men want anyway? Lady on the streets, freak in the sheets or some shit? Nicki Minaj is the perfect girl for you then! She's Miss Lewinski...yet she's the sweet Harajuku Barbie...But the fact that guys look down on her says to me that there are some fucked up expectations for women and some of you men seem to be confused - you say you want a nasty girl but when you get one, you're suddenly dissin' her like she's a piece of trash. So which is it guys?

At the end of the day, Nicki Minaj is killing it. Fuck the image, the tracks she's coming out with from Young Money are good. The chick can rap, and she doesn't sound like a carbon copy of anyone else. I'll post one of my favourite tracks from the Beam Me Up Scotty mixtape - enjoy!

Next stop...Depression Central.

Sorry guys, I haven't been updating blogs lately cuz I've been rocking SYDNEY for the last 5 days. FUCK dude, I've spent the last 24 hours back in Adelaide sleeping, eating soggy calamari and facebooking. Massive shoutout to Miss Sara Violante who was kind enough to go thru the bottle shop drive-thru and pick us up a box of Picadilly water and deliver it to our house! We'd run out and were majorly parched as bro. On a side note, since when do bottlos sell boxes of water in the drive thru? I mean, when has anyone gone to a drive thru bottleshop and asked for two bottles of Hennessy and a box of WATER??? Like, wtf.

Anyway, so I'm back from Sydney and I'm broke as a motherfucker. Thao is pretty broke too so our diet this week is probably going to consist of rice cakes, apricot jam and eggs cuz that's all I'm seeing when I open up the fridge. If anyone can think of an awesome recipe combining these 3 ingredients, please hit me up. Oh, we also have that new vegemite called I-snak. But that shit shouldn't even be considered edible. The whole reason Vegemite was awesome was because it was mega salty, and now they have taken the edge away! Wow. I just realised I've been talking about food for pretty much this whole blog. Let's end it here shall we HAHAHA. Just gonna post a couple of my fave pics from Sydney for ya!

A day at the markets <3

Just thought I would post a few pics from a little catch up I had with my ladies Kristine and Aya today. We decided to hit the Central Markets for some chinese food and bubble tea. If you go anywhere else for Bubble Tea in Adelaide, you are shit. You need to hit up the "Genuine Taiwan Bubble Tea" joint in the markets and ask for the Coconut Milk flavoured smoothie with bubbles. Sooooo good. And we realised that right across from the best bubble tea place ever is Dumpling King which is a place I've been dying to go to ever since Thao's mum brought some home one day. God, it's good to be asian. And for those who aren't asian, at least you can eat our food HAHA. P.S. Ok so we were in Chinatown and I'm not Chinese. But fuck it, we all look the same anyway right? :p