I find it quite hilarious that women need to read books in order to realise "he's just not that into you". I mean, isn't it obvious? Or are we all so egoistic that we find it extraordinary that we could be undesirable? Whatever the reason, the existence and success of relationship self-help books is indicative of how delusional/ignorant most of us are when it comes to interactions with potential partners.
It's true that I have been known to encourage my girlfriends' fantasies with reasonings such as:
"Guys are just slack"
"He probably ran out of credit"
"Maybe he's dead"
I really should have hit them with the cold hard truth of why they never got a call-back. But when your friend is down in the dumps, the last thing you want to do is smack 'em with a good ol' backhand of honesty. Now, in my wise old age (haha) I have realised that a backhand is better than La-La land. Or as the lovely James Morrison once sang, "the truth hurts, a lie's worse". It may hurt to hear he's just not that into you, but it sure as hell is better than the feeling of realising you've wasted weeks dwelling on someone who is probably out there happily not returning someone else's calls.
I'm more blunt with my friends now, and myself, and I'm even more blunt with my dates. If I'm really not interested in someone, they are going to know about it. Frustratingly, even my honesty is sometimes not enough to stop guys in their chase. Which leads me to the real purpose of this blog: based on my real personal experiences, here are some tips for the dudes out there who need a good ol' backhand. I swear, it doesn't matter how mean I am sometimes, they keep coming back for more. Note: I don't currently have a million guys chasing after me; I'm basing the following tips on several years of experiences, therefore several different guys over that time frame. Anyway, this is for you boys:
"Eva's Just Not That Into You"
You know she's just not that into you when...
1. She NEVER answers your calls. Or returns your calls. And your number is saved in her phone as "DO NOT PICK UP".
2. You try to kiss her and she runs. Actually runs.
3. You bump into her at uni and ask if she misses you. She says "NO" and immediately begins staring intently at the computer screen and pretending to check emails.
4. She tells you that you are like an impatient child and to stop acting like a slobbering dog.
5. You offer to buy her a drink and she says no, but then says yes to someone else who offers to buy her one in the next 5 seconds.
6. She is constantly insulting you and you think it's a joke. Really she is being serious and you are just a dumb ass.
7. Everytime you come near her she starts drawing an imaginary circle around herself to indicate her personal space.
8. On a night out, she texts you to ask if you're driving, only because she has an idea to track down your car and cover it with bright yellow crime scene tape which she has left over from Kate's Lady Gaga theme party.
9. Everytime you call her number you strangely get connected to some "reject line".
10. She dedicates a blog to you and your stupidity.
