Ain't thinkin about you..(but actually I am haha)

This is the song that is getting me through right now...Man, it would be awesome to be a guy. Seriously. They have it so fucking easy. Anyways, this is the Bow Wow version I'm posting cuz it's the one with a film clip but I actually prefer the original Chris Brown version (they've switched the verses)...they need to make a girl remix for real haha

Intro:]
Yea (On Tonight)
It's Like I Can't Let You Go (On Tonight)
But I Got To (On Tonight)
I'm a Change It Up A Lil Bit, I'm a Do It Like This

[Verse: Chris Brown]
We Been Together For A Minute
Now It Feels Funny To Be Doing Something Different
But It's All Good, Me And You Finished
She Gotta Ball Player, But A Nxgga Ain't Tripping
And I Ain't Saying That He Don't Love You
But I Don't Think He Love You Like I Do
But It's Okay, It's Alright
My Blackberry Filled With A Whole Bunch Of Women
Wasting Time, Steady Tryna Get You Back
Get You Back In My Life
Yea You Don't Care, You Don't Care
It Used To Be You That I Like But I'm a Do What I Like
Tonight, I'm Goin Get Tipsy
Over Twenty One, All The Girls Have Fun
And Watch The Ladies Jump On Me

[Chorus:]
I'm Not Looking For Love, Cause She's Gone
So Tell All The Girls That The Bottles On Us
Get Your Drink On
I Just Wanna Have A Good Time And Keep You Off My Mind
Find A Lil Shawty I Like
Girl When I'm Up In The Club, Really Turnt Up
I Ain't Goin Think About You (Na Na Na Na)
(Aye Aye Aye) Ain't Thinking About You Tonight (Night Night Night)

[Verse: Bow Wow]
You Got The Wrong One, If You Think I Ain't Gonna Go Out
You Used To Be The Only Girl A Nxgga Would Think About
I Gotta Couple Of Girls On Call, I'm a Bring Em Out
A Magic City Stripper, Hunh, So This Is What It's All About
I'm The Club Doing My Two Steps
I Done Pulled About Eight Broads Already
I'm Just Getting My Feet Wet (Damn)
But I Ain't Even Knocking Your Style
See I Be Here All Day Tryna Count How Many Girls Want Bow
Yea I See You On The Blogs With Your Dude And All That
But Little Do You Know, You Making Yourself Look Wack
If Dude Gotta Problem, Better Tell Him To Fall Back
I'm Blowing Real Big In VIP, Yea That Loud Pack
Shxt It's Me And Chris In Here, So You Know It's Real Thick In Here
Better Cuff Your Girl Because Your Bxtch In Here
Tryna See How Many I Can Fit In My Lambo
I Never Go Raw, Stay Strapped Like Rambo

[Chorus:]
I'm Not Looking For Love, Cause She's Gone
So Tell All The Girls That The Bottles On Us
Get Your Drink On
I Just Wanna Have A Good Time And Keep You Off My Mind
Find A Lil Shawty I Like
Girl When I'm Up In The Club, Really Turnt Up
I Ain't Goin Think About You (Na Na Na Na)
(Aye Aye Aye) Ain't Thinking About You Tonight (Night Night Night)

CELEBRATE!!

Yeah, I'm young, not broke and not deformed...so it's time to CELEBRATE AND APPRECIATE!!

Fuck this moping around shit...I can't change the past, and dwelling within it is not conducive to my health (although if you ever want to lose 3 kilos in less than a week then get your heart broken, it totally works but it's not recommended...kinda like the lemon detox diet)

Today I celebrate being alive, not being a starving ethiopian, having amazing friends and family who love me for being me.

I'm not perfect...but I do deserve to have someone think I am one day.

x

Why...

Things don't make sense...if everything you thought couldn't be lost, is lost, and everything you thought was real turns out to be fake, how can we believe in anything anymore? I'm sick of hearing people saying "you're amazing, you deserve better"...If that was really true, why don't I deserve what I want? Like Brittany Murphy's infamous line from Clueless: "If I'm too good for him, then why aren't i with him?"

I just wanna sleep it all away...because being awake means I am exposed to too many reminders of times and experiences...I feel like I can't wear certain clothes, eat certain foods, go to certain places, without being reminded of him...

It's supposed to be the happiest time of the year...but the Christmas cheer I see everywhere is like a cruel joke. I have turned into the Christmas grinch.

Just tell me when it's over...

W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.