You know you're getting old when your idea of a good time is less about random snogs and illicit drugs and more about chillin' on the couch and some good conversation. Wow, am I really at that stage already? Apparently so, because I don't get so excited about clubbing nights anymore. Now I look forward to our new weekly endeavour to Mel's house where up to eight of us gather for a homemade dinner cooked up by each one of us in turn. The night's awesomeness can be contributed to eating a proper cooked meal (which is a rarity in my house), but more so to the crazy conversations that we have after we've stuffed our faces. And when I say crazy, I mean we tackle the kind of hot topics that put The View ladies to shame. The first week saw us discuss the intricacies of child birth, supplemented with disturbingly graphic YouTube videos of women pushing babies and placenta out of their vaginas (I couldn't actually watch for the most part; I was huddled in the corner with my hands over my ears and eyes singing "LA LA LAAAAAA" at the top of my voice). In the second week, we debated about "nature versus nuture" and if we thought gays were born that way or made so. But what really set the conversation off was when we came to the topic of relationships and cheating.
Now I don't care what any of y'all think. Cheating is for the weak. And if you disagree, it's probably because you're a cheater yourself and you don't want to acknowledge that you are weak or have been weak, or maybe it's because you have been cheated ON and you don't want to acknowledge the fact that the one you love is weak and treated you like shit. Either way, it doesn't change the fact that if you cheat, you's a pussy. So when this topic came up at our dinner party, I was the first to say unashamedly: "MEN WHO CHEAT ARE WEAK".
Now the one man who was a part of this discussion didn't completely blow off my comment but I could see in his face he was in disagreement. He asked, "Why? Why are men who cheat weak?". Let me break it down for you, my friend. Men (or women) who cheat are weak because they do not have the mental willpower to resist physical temptations. Nor do they have the strength to say no, even when they know it will hurt people. That's weak. Perhaps men cheat because they think they will get away with it and they know if they are never caught, no-one will get hurt. But their actions still exemplify weakness because they gave into urges they knew were wrong if they agreed to be in a monogomous relationship. At the end of the day, your mind controls your body. If you really do not want to cheat, you won't let yourself.
His response to this was "but in the Bible, it says 'the flesh is weak'".
And??
By saying this, he was trying to tell me that our bodies have urges and we are, by human nature, weak. So this was his justification for the cheaters. It's just what dudes do! It's natural! We can't help it! So if cheating is natural for men, what's natural for women? Raising children? So by this logic, I should be awesome with children just because I have a vagina. But I suck with kids! And all my friends who have families can testify to this, particularly when they ask me if I want to hold their baby and I screw up my face as if they are about to hand me some dirty socks. The point is, not everything that we do or everything about us is in our biology. And I don't believe cheating is within our human nature - the act of having sex IS, but having sex with someone outside of a monogomous relationship is a CHOICE and a dishonest choice at that.
So back to the Bible and "the flesh is weak". Dude might as well have said "Cheating? Yeah, Jesus said it was ok". Seriously, if you are gonna come to me and have a real discussion about shit, do not start referencing shit from the Bible and expect me to just nod my head and agree just because it's THE BIBLE. First of all, i'm pretty sure that the "flesh is weak" line had a slightly different intended meaning due to the context it was in. In fact, because I like to argue with real facts, I looked up the line from the Bible and this is what I found:
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Mark 14:38
In its actual context, "the flesh is weak" is indeed talking about our human nature and temptations, but more in relation to temptations from Satan and being led astray from God. If we want to apply it to our lives today, it most definitely could be related to cheating as well. However, it also says "the spirit is willing" and to "watch and pray", which tells us that within ourselves we have the spirit to do good and if we are aware of our temptations, we CAN resist them. It is God's warning to be careful, it is NOT God telling us that we are weak as humans and there's nothing we can do about it so let's all go fuck around.
This is what bothers me about people - they read books like the Bible and they take meaning from them, but they take the meaning that works best for them whilst ignoring the real message. Or they are just stupid and totally misinterpret the message and then go around preaching it to other stupid people who accept it as well. This dude has taken "the flesh is weak" and has used it as his alibi for being a cheater and he feels justified in doing that because the Bible said so. In fact, he's just a dumbass. But I digress. The point is, muthafukaz should not use the Bible to justify their cheating ways!!! If you wanna come at me saying "the Bible says the flesh is weak so that's why we cheat" then let me hit you with another thing the Bible says: THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. Yeah that's right, you just got shut down.
Can't wait to see what next week's dinner party has in store HAHAHA.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Getting Over It 101
Vomit vomit vomit. I just re-read my last few posts on here and it's like looking into a toilet bowl at 4am after drinking a cask of goon, by yourself. Ugh, seriously what was I thinking? I have just experienced blogger's remorse, a concept I had heard of but never thought I would actually experience because I usually stand by my stream of consciousness ramblings, even if they can be emo at times. But today I draw the line! No more can I stand to read pitiful comments on how I'm soooo sad and my world is upside down, nor can I read any more hopeful rants on how I need to appreciate my life when in actual fact, it's just my pathetic way of convincing myself that I'm not a heartbroken pussy. That's not to say it's a bad thing to remind yourself of everything you should be thankful for. But I remember writing a "life appreciation" blog and honestly, it wasn't really coming from a place of gratefulness. It was coming from a place of "I need to tell myself to be grateful and appreciate my life but in actual fact I'm still sad and hurt and I just want to convince myself that everything will be ok". So it was kinda phony, cuz I'm pretty sure that immediately after I posted that blog I was grateful for a few moments...and then I resumed being a pathetic sad sack.
So here's the revelation: today I realised that I don't need to convince myself that my life is amazing. Today I actually believe it. Today I look back on the pain I experienced and I can say, I'm over it. I'm not sad anymore. I think there is a part of me that wants to stay sad; who wants to hold on to the memories and hold on to the fact that I was, in effect, a rebound girl for a good 5 months of my life. There is definitely a part of me that wants to hold onto the fact that I'm angry...for a lot of different reasons. It feels good to be angry. Then I remember that as much as it feels good to be angry, it feels better to be happy. When I realised that, it was easy for me to let go of the frustration and resentment.
There is a cool quote that I read the other day and it said:
"Don't stress over the things you can't control, control the things you stress over".
This has always been my philosophy I guess but the funny thing about humans is that we forget things. All the time. So it was nice to be reminded that at the end of the day, there are some things I can't do anything about - I can't control what other people think, their choices, how they feel about me or how they interpret my actions. What I can control is how I deal with it and whether I want to let myself wallow in sorrow or let the hurt go and move the fuck on.
Granted, there are some little tricks to help that whole moving on business. After being dumped the first time, I'm not ashamed to admit I was a pathetic mess. I was sooooo Carrie in the Sex & the City movie where she just sleeps for like 72 hours straight because the daylight, the reality of her life, was just too much to face. I remember it took me ages to get over my first love; being rejected broke me down and my confidence was shot. I'd lost my mojo for real. One night I remember going out with my girl Kristine and we started chatting to a couple of cute guys - correction, SHE started chatting to a couple of cute guys while I stood there nervously. Dude, this was weird. I remember thinking afterwards, "what's wrong with me?". I couldn't flirt and I sure as hell couldn't come up with anything witty or cute to say. Major fail. That's when I realised my mojo was gone and I needed to get it back, stat.
When I found myself in the dumpee role once again recently I vowed to myself that there was no way I was going to turn into that sad, little mojo-less freak that I had become last time. I was going to be strong. The person I always had been. I would not let this break up change me for the worse. Consequently I constructed my battle plan and put it into effect immediately.
#1 I joined a gym within a week. There was no way I was going to be caught crying in bed for hours on end (although I did give myself a couple days compassionate leave haha). This gave me time to focus on something which would make me feel good about myself and also became an opportunity to hang with my girl Annaliese and bitch about boys in the steam room.
#2 I cut all unnecessary contact with the Dumper. Ok, this was not so easy at first. I planned to stay friends so I didn't delete phone numbers, but I did delete him off Facebook. This is integral because you do NOT want to be seeing loved-up comments or gooey photos of ur ex with his new/old girl. (This somehow still ended up happening anyway, but the thought was there lol)
#3 Throw away or hide anything that reminds you of the person. Once again, we're keeping with the theme of "We don't wanna be thinkin bout u no more"
#4 Kiss another boy. Yes, KISS. I'm not saying fuck another guy ok. You're single, not a slut. Anyways, this little experience will show you that there is a life after break-up. I know you feel like there ain't no other guy for you out there but trust me, there is.
So that's how I got my mojo back. I think we can officially say, Minaj has re-entered the building. So let's cheers to the freakin weekend, I'll drink to that.
So here's the revelation: today I realised that I don't need to convince myself that my life is amazing. Today I actually believe it. Today I look back on the pain I experienced and I can say, I'm over it. I'm not sad anymore. I think there is a part of me that wants to stay sad; who wants to hold on to the memories and hold on to the fact that I was, in effect, a rebound girl for a good 5 months of my life. There is definitely a part of me that wants to hold onto the fact that I'm angry...for a lot of different reasons. It feels good to be angry. Then I remember that as much as it feels good to be angry, it feels better to be happy. When I realised that, it was easy for me to let go of the frustration and resentment.
There is a cool quote that I read the other day and it said:
"Don't stress over the things you can't control, control the things you stress over".
This has always been my philosophy I guess but the funny thing about humans is that we forget things. All the time. So it was nice to be reminded that at the end of the day, there are some things I can't do anything about - I can't control what other people think, their choices, how they feel about me or how they interpret my actions. What I can control is how I deal with it and whether I want to let myself wallow in sorrow or let the hurt go and move the fuck on.
Granted, there are some little tricks to help that whole moving on business. After being dumped the first time, I'm not ashamed to admit I was a pathetic mess. I was sooooo Carrie in the Sex & the City movie where she just sleeps for like 72 hours straight because the daylight, the reality of her life, was just too much to face. I remember it took me ages to get over my first love; being rejected broke me down and my confidence was shot. I'd lost my mojo for real. One night I remember going out with my girl Kristine and we started chatting to a couple of cute guys - correction, SHE started chatting to a couple of cute guys while I stood there nervously. Dude, this was weird. I remember thinking afterwards, "what's wrong with me?". I couldn't flirt and I sure as hell couldn't come up with anything witty or cute to say. Major fail. That's when I realised my mojo was gone and I needed to get it back, stat.
When I found myself in the dumpee role once again recently I vowed to myself that there was no way I was going to turn into that sad, little mojo-less freak that I had become last time. I was going to be strong. The person I always had been. I would not let this break up change me for the worse. Consequently I constructed my battle plan and put it into effect immediately.
#1 I joined a gym within a week. There was no way I was going to be caught crying in bed for hours on end (although I did give myself a couple days compassionate leave haha). This gave me time to focus on something which would make me feel good about myself and also became an opportunity to hang with my girl Annaliese and bitch about boys in the steam room.
#2 I cut all unnecessary contact with the Dumper. Ok, this was not so easy at first. I planned to stay friends so I didn't delete phone numbers, but I did delete him off Facebook. This is integral because you do NOT want to be seeing loved-up comments or gooey photos of ur ex with his new/old girl. (This somehow still ended up happening anyway, but the thought was there lol)
#3 Throw away or hide anything that reminds you of the person. Once again, we're keeping with the theme of "We don't wanna be thinkin bout u no more"
#4 Kiss another boy. Yes, KISS. I'm not saying fuck another guy ok. You're single, not a slut. Anyways, this little experience will show you that there is a life after break-up. I know you feel like there ain't no other guy for you out there but trust me, there is.
So that's how I got my mojo back. I think we can officially say, Minaj has re-entered the building. So let's cheers to the freakin weekend, I'll drink to that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)