Why...

Things don't make sense...if everything you thought couldn't be lost, is lost, and everything you thought was real turns out to be fake, how can we believe in anything anymore? I'm sick of hearing people saying "you're amazing, you deserve better"...If that was really true, why don't I deserve what I want? Like Brittany Murphy's infamous line from Clueless: "If I'm too good for him, then why aren't i with him?"

I just wanna sleep it all away...because being awake means I am exposed to too many reminders of times and experiences...I feel like I can't wear certain clothes, eat certain foods, go to certain places, without being reminded of him...

It's supposed to be the happiest time of the year...but the Christmas cheer I see everywhere is like a cruel joke. I have turned into the Christmas grinch.

Just tell me when it's over...

W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.