Does anyone else see a resemblance?

Is anyone else picking up on the similarities here between Gary Coleman and Yoda??? Ewwwww.

You WILL Get Bitchslapped.

You know what, I said to myself I wouldn't comment on this Tiger Woods bullshit because frankly I don't give a fuck about what celebrities do with their lives. I mean, I like to know the latest news out of curiousity, but as for making judgements on their actions...well, it's not really my place. Celebrity lives are simply there for my entertainment, something to laugh at when I'm bored. But as I was watching Entertainment Tonight's report on Tiger this morning, it actually got a reaction out of me. Apparently (and I mean apparently because this IS Entertainment Tonight after all), Tiger is in "Sex Rehab". Apparently, Tiger has been diagnosed with having a sex addiction and he needs to go through therapy to cure himself of it. Whether this is true or not, this whole idea is just a bullshit cop out. I think it's pathetic that every time a celebrity cheats on his wife, he suddenly has a sex disease. Well you know what, Tiger Woods DOES have a disease, but it's not sex-related. He simply has "I'm-a-lying-fucking-tool-who-likes-to-fuck-a-bunch-of-chicks-and-then-hurt-my-wife-and-family-itis". And the only way to cure that is to get bitch-slapped by his wife. That's all Mrs Woods was doing when she was chasing him down with a golf club - she was just trying to cure Tiger from this horrible disease. Club his head in I say. Anyway the thing is, men love sex and many find it hard staying monogamous. But there are also many guys who ARE very loyal, despite temptations, and these are the men who have integrity and true regard for their loved ones. The ones who give into physical desires are weak and pathetic and do not deserve to get out of jail free on the "sex disease" card.

I've wasted enough words on this already. I've got a lot of bad celebrity news shows/Hannah Montana/midday movies to watch this week so expect more random rants like these. Just know that if you cheat, do not expect anything less than a golf club to the head from me. That is all.

What Time Is It? It's Drool Time.

I was a deprived child.

I have never been a "girly girl". Having a brother resulted in games of bed-wrestling, miniature toy car floor shows and make-believe games set in Space (aka the backyard). It was awesome! But I still had my girly side - and I wanted a Polly Pocket like everyone else at school. Shevahn was the girl in my class who would rock up to school with whatever coolest toy was out at the time and parade it in front of our faces. Most of us  had a secret hate for her - well, as much hate as one can have at 8 years old. But the one thing that I really wanted was a Barbie. Back in the day, times were tough, so my Mum couldn't really afford to splash out on heaps of toys. Mum told me Barbies were too expensive, so I remember thinking they must have cost, like, $100! That further created an idea in my mind of how extravagant Barbie was (although years later I found out a new Barbie was no-where near that expensive!).

I eventually did own ONE Barbie. But I was never allowed to play with it - it was apparently only for display purposes. My mum would stand the Barbie in the middle of our dining table as if it was a vase or something. I am not shitting you. As a little girl, do you know how torturous it was to have a Barbie and never be allowed to play with it? I would walk past it multiple times a day, looking at its perfect shaped, lightly tanned body and shiny, long blonde hair. Oh, to play with Barbie!! One Christmas I guessed that I was getting a real Barbie from my Auntie...but when I ripped open the wrapping eagerly, my hopes were shattered. I was given a Barbie imitation which was only half as beautiful and made out of some kind of cheap, soft plastic which if prodded, would create holes in FakeBarbie's legs. I never complained. But somewhere inside, over the years of cool-toy-deprivation, some issues began to emerge. And I feel that my current fascination with all things pretty, pink and hourglass-shaped has some relation to the fact I was never allowed to fulfil my childhood girly-ness.

Only recently I asked my mother why I was never allowed to play with the doll. She replied: "Because you used to try and cut its hair". If that isn't a crystal-clear indication of the level of strict discipline I was forced to comply with as a child, I don't know what is. And Mum wonders why I am the rebellious one.

Aaaanyway, this post was inspired by the new Rocawear Barbies that have just come out! They come in all shades of chocolate and are of course decked out in the cutest little Rocawear outfits! I've also developed a small fascination with Ann-Margaret, who was popular in the 60s for musical films like Bye Bye Birdie and Viva Las Vegas. I like her because she reminds me of a Barbie doll, of course. I was watching Viva Las Vegas on TV today and it's just such a cool era with all the cute little costumes and funny rock and roll dancing. Interestingly, she apparently had an affair with Elvis, who co-starred with her!! Jealous. The celebs of today just do not have the same kind of classy beauty that they had in the 50s and 60s *sigh*.

Here is a clip from Viva Las Vegas which is my absolute favourite!! It's a sexy/funny dance scene between Elvis and Ann-Margaret - I think the dance is called "The Squat" and it's so cute! Watch it and see what I mean. The song is called "The Climb" and it's performed by Forte Four.

Hot Shit.

These tees are from BePriv Paris...get em at Karmaloop or Beprivparis.com. So badly want one. They only cost like 50 bucks!! Yayerrrrr! Who's got 50 bucks?

Birthday Wish List!

It's 40 degrees outside people!! I am curled up on my couch cranking the AC and surfing the web...AAAAND since it's my birthday coming up, I figured I'd do a post of all the things I would buy if I wasn't Queen of Broketown.

#1 A whole bunch of Wildfox clothing - I heart.

#2 Purple Jordans - I'm a little obsessed with this colour at the moment; it started when I saw my boy Eddie (pictured with DJ Krunk below) wearing this purple hat...now I'm suddenly picking up on this colour everywhere!!

#3 iPhone! - I neeeeed a new phone badly. Stupid Samsung Ultra Touch! More like Ultra Douche!

#4 geek glasses - These shall come in handy this year at uni. just pop them on and suddenly you have the psuedo brain power to last through that Chemistry lecture, all the while looking totally geek chic. Too bad I can't actually SEE any better with them. Which leads to my next wish-list item...

#5 Lasik eye surgery - So i can look geek chic AND be able to read the blackboard.

#6 a Ruggle - Jack Russel X Pug. A picture says a thousand words. Thanks for letting me in on this Clint :)

How To Lose a Girl in 2 Seconds

This is me trying to escape from the "cheek-licker".

This post is inspired by that lovely Croatian fellow I met a few weeks ago (and by lovely, I mean fucking annoying). His attempt at picking me up included grabbing me forcefully and threatening that if I left my position by his side he would then STALK me. Fail.

So, guys listen up. This is how to lose a girl in 2 seconds. Based on real events.

1. Tell her your idol is "Sexual Harassment Panda" from South Park because you can have so much in common with the character. (Yes, this actually happened. The guy proceeded to try and lick my cheek within minutes of being introduced)

2. After she tells you she has absolutely no interest in politics and history, go on to explain everything you know about british colonial times. (Riveting)

3. Why talk? Just grab her arse lasciviously in front of all her friends. (You'll not only lose her, but you may acquire a black eye)

4. Use the line: "So...when are you going to buy me a drink?" (Arrogant, assuming, and makes you look like a tight ass. Attractive? I think not)

5. If you're over 25, tell her you still live with your Mum. (I'm sorry, but cut the fucking cord)

6. In conversation, keep on referring to things you've read in her status updates or seen in comments on her Facebook. (This is just creepy. Especially when you don't even realise this person is your friend on FB)

7. Whilst making out, bite her lip like you're a dog with a chew toy. (I was once left with a badly bruised and swollen lower lip thanks to this technique. I call this 'facial harassment')

8. Wear crocs. (Seriously, why do these shoes even exist!!!!They are a fucking abomination!)

9. At the end of every sentence add "shawty" or "mami". (Especially if you're a white boy. I ain't your shawty. And you ain't Lil Wayne. Shit, even Lil Wayne probably wouldn't call me that so just shut the fuck up)

And finally...

10. Tell her how much you love asians. (This one is specific to me. Maybe you do love asians, but don't tell me that because it makes me feel like you would pick up any chinky-eyed bitch you ran into. It just doesn't make me feel very...special *sigh*. That is all HAHAHA)

Girls, if you have anything to add to this list, please leave a comment! :)

Things I am Thankful For Today.

Green tea - which by some miracle seems to dissolve all the fat in my belly after eating large amounts of chocolate or junk food.

My housemate - who does NOT subject me to midday orgies and conversations about banana-flavoured condoms. Thank you.

The couch that my housemate bought - on which I can sprawl out on comfortably as opposed to having painful leg cramps from being contorted into a knot on our previous lounge which was apparently made for midgets.

Music - which I have an intensely unique personal connection with, along with the rest of the world.

Beautiful people - who incite a a strangely addictive feeling of admiration and envy within myself and who inspire me to develop an eating disorder so clothes will hang off me fashionably also.

Spencer Pratt - whose ridiculous attempts at rapping and everyday douchebag tactics make me laugh. And want to punch him in the head. Which is a very satisfying thought.

It just dawned on me...

If I haven't already made it blatantly apparent by now - I LOVE NICKI MINAJ. And I'm not devoting this blog to her so I can list the various reasons why she is the issssh. I am compelled to look at the reasons why she is loved, but more so the reasons why she is so hated. See, every time I mention Minaj (AKA Nicki the Ninja AKA Miss Lewinski AKA The Harajuku Barbie) I get most people recoiling in disgust, and when I ask people why they react this way, they put it down to Nicki being "nasty", "foul-mouthed" or a "rude gyal". Truth is, fuck yeah, she IS all these things. Look at her - she looks like a dirty ghetto version of Lauren London - she's gorgeous but her "titties are bigger than Pamela" and she poses on her mixtape covers as if she's auditioning for the next instalment of Pirates (not the Keira Knightley version, duh). Her rhymes are all about how much of a bad bitch she is, how much she loves lesbians, how great her coochie is and how she shits on every other female rapper out there. So yeah, maybe she IS a "rude gyal". But let me say this...

Number one - how is what she's rapping about any different to what any other guy rapper is talking about on their tracks? All the big dudes in the game are spitting about fucking chicks, how hot they are, how many drugs they take and how much better they are than everyone else...and I'm pretty sure they ain't using pretty language either. Image-wise, there are a bunch of rappers out there who are dirty as hell, making film clips about "pussy poppin" that can't even be shown on MTV. Yet you don't see anyone telling these dudes they are nasty. It's considered cool, an image to be aspired to.

So this just says to me that there are some serious double standards going on. Hell, it doesn't surprise me, this has been going on since the dawn of time. Men can be dirty as hell and be considered gods...but when a woman comes along doing the same thing she is a nasty bitch and is hated on hard. It's stupid and unfair.

And i'm confused guys...Isn't a nasty girl what all you men want anyway? Lady on the streets, freak in the sheets or some shit? Nicki Minaj is the perfect girl for you then! She's Miss Lewinski...yet she's the sweet Harajuku Barbie...But the fact that guys look down on her says to me that there are some fucked up expectations for women and some of you men seem to be confused - you say you want a nasty girl but when you get one, you're suddenly dissin' her like she's a piece of trash. So which is it guys?

At the end of the day, Nicki Minaj is killing it. Fuck the image, the tracks she's coming out with from Young Money are good. The chick can rap, and she doesn't sound like a carbon copy of anyone else. I'll post one of my favourite tracks from the Beam Me Up Scotty mixtape - enjoy!

Next stop...Depression Central.

Sorry guys, I haven't been updating blogs lately cuz I've been rocking SYDNEY for the last 5 days. FUCK dude, I've spent the last 24 hours back in Adelaide sleeping, eating soggy calamari and facebooking. Massive shoutout to Miss Sara Violante who was kind enough to go thru the bottle shop drive-thru and pick us up a box of Picadilly water and deliver it to our house! We'd run out and were majorly parched as bro. On a side note, since when do bottlos sell boxes of water in the drive thru? I mean, when has anyone gone to a drive thru bottleshop and asked for two bottles of Hennessy and a box of WATER??? Like, wtf.

Anyway, so I'm back from Sydney and I'm broke as a motherfucker. Thao is pretty broke too so our diet this week is probably going to consist of rice cakes, apricot jam and eggs cuz that's all I'm seeing when I open up the fridge. If anyone can think of an awesome recipe combining these 3 ingredients, please hit me up. Oh, we also have that new vegemite called I-snak. But that shit shouldn't even be considered edible. The whole reason Vegemite was awesome was because it was mega salty, and now they have taken the edge away! Wow. I just realised I've been talking about food for pretty much this whole blog. Let's end it here shall we HAHAHA. Just gonna post a couple of my fave pics from Sydney for ya!

A day at the markets <3

Just thought I would post a few pics from a little catch up I had with my ladies Kristine and Aya today. We decided to hit the Central Markets for some chinese food and bubble tea. If you go anywhere else for Bubble Tea in Adelaide, you are shit. You need to hit up the "Genuine Taiwan Bubble Tea" joint in the markets and ask for the Coconut Milk flavoured smoothie with bubbles. Sooooo good. And we realised that right across from the best bubble tea place ever is Dumpling King which is a place I've been dying to go to ever since Thao's mum brought some home one day. God, it's good to be asian. And for those who aren't asian, at least you can eat our food HAHA. P.S. Ok so we were in Chinatown and I'm not Chinese. But fuck it, we all look the same anyway right? :p

Call me Mr Flinstone...

Being a celebrity really makes dreams comes true don't it? I feel a Jay Z song comin' on..."When the money goes, will the honeys stay..." HAHAHA. This pic is from behind the scenes of the "Bedrock" video. I fucking love this video. The way Lil Wayne just wakes up in the morning surrounded by a bed of beautiful girls...this guy is a crack up. Weezy, you are KIIIING!!!

Spot the difference

CLICK THE PICS TO ENLARGE!

I know these photos have been making the rounds already but I wanted to post them anyway for all my ladies who haven't had a chance to see them. Take a good look at these pictures. Seriously, who looks more appealing? These are from a photo shoot by Terry Richardson that appeared in V magazine. The girl on the left is a standard model (size 6) while the girl on the right is a plus size (probably size 12). I'm really looking hard at these pics...and you know what? I think the supposed fat girl actually rocks that shit better. And i'm not just saying that because I think it's the right thing to say. I mean, she really does look better in my eyes. The standard model chick looks hot too but when you put her side by side against Size 12, she looks kinda stick-insect like, and shapeless. Whereas the girl on the right has great shape to her legs and slammin hips. It IS hard for me to say that the bigger girl looks better because those that know me KNOW that I am always going on about losing weight and wanting to get all Nicole Ritchie on my ass. The truth is I do feel better when I've lost a couple of kilos - I feel lighter, clothes fit better, and I have more confidence. But when I look at these photos I think maybe it ain't so bad having a few extra kilos. Everyone says it, but it's true - curves are sexy.

Of course, there is a line. There are health factors involved - being obese is not OK...but you can have some extra meat on your bones as long as you eat a nutritious diet and exercise. In this case, it really is what's on the inside that counts. And just being a size 8 doesn't automatically mean you're healthy or fit! I know some skinny bitches who would pass out after running 10 minutes on the treadmill while a girl twice her size could run for twice as long.

On a side note, the thing that everyone talks about is the media's pressure on women, mainly from magazines. These photos further suggest that this is true. We do constantly see these skinny models in magazines and we are programmed to think this is what IDEAL beauty is. On top of that we have mens magazines portraying the typical big breasted, skinny waisted, hourglass shaped girls...and we're meant to live up to that? Are guys looking at these pictures and comparing us "normal" girls to them? Because they might say they're not, but subconsciously I bet they are. This worries me. Anyway I digress. The point is, ROCK THOSE CURVES. And I'm talking to all my friends who complain about their size! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I will endeavour to tell myself that too if you bitches start believing it ok.

Cool words

"I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don't want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift."

-Shauna Niequist,  Cold Tangerines

Note to self: must read this book from which this quote was taken. But I wouldn't eat cold tangerines. Make it mangoes.

Keep Yo Shit Private! FB Fails...

Look, so I know I'm not exactly the queen of discretion when it comes to Facebook. The subtitle above "Making it Even Easier For You to Stalk Me" was meant to be poking fun at the fact that yes, I do constantly update my status and yes, I am constantly letting you know my exact daily location and activities, so I'm pretty much inviting you to have a freakish obsession with my life. And now there is this blog, so you get to see what's inside my head too. Yes, these things are out there and open to the public. However, I draw the line at publicly exposing the things that are truly personal to me. The things that are really meant to be private, ARE private, and you will not see them on my facebook nor shall you see me writing about them in this blog. So it bothers me when I log into FB this morning and see the updates of a certain girl (who shall remain unnamed) BEGGING for the forgiveness of her now ex-boyfriend and petitioning FB friends to support their reunion. Her previous update was a pitiful exclamation at being dumped - with a comment by her ex angrily explaining why he broke up with her, and then a bunch of other friends throwing in their two cents on the disaster.

Firstly, I do not want to read on Facebook about the pathetic demise of anyone's relationship and I certainly don't think anyone should be begging for someone's forgiveness using such a medium. Heard of a telephone? It's this communication device some dude called Bell invented back in the 1800s and it allows you to talk to someone without the rest of the world listening in to your conversation. Seriously, no-one wants to watch disgruntled lovers hash it out in a status update comment war! Save that shit for behind closed doors! It's sad. I know it's 2010 and all but fuck...if this is how communication has evolved then it's no wonder our personal relationships are steadily dissolving. I feel for this girl, I really do. Of course I know what it feels like to be dumped and to want your boyfriend back. And yeah, sometimes you think of crazy ways to try and re-establish a connection. But on Facebook? Come on. I mean, you might as well create an Event and title it "I'm Pathetic and My Relationship is Shit" then invite all your friends to come along. There are just some things that are not meant for public viewing, and needless to say, this should include your private life and romantic relationships. What do you all think?

Check out Lamebook.com for the rest of the argument in the pic above...this isn't who I was writing about, it's just some random dude bitching about his girlfriend. Was very tempted to send Lamebook a print screen shot of the conversation I'm talking about, but since I know this girl ima save her the embarassment haha.

Mmm. Hot yeah?

Sasha Fierce eat your heart out.

OMG. This is for Nicole, shawty loves her Coca Cola!!! Haha!!

CAT - i picked these earrings for you!

Patricia Field. HELL TO THE YEAH. Nicole, Cmon. You can rock these.

Why is it that whenever I go shopping I end up finding stuff that suits all my friends, but never me? It's like, "Oh that would be so cute for Nicole!" or "Those shoes are soooo Cat". But when it comes to me, nothing ever looks good. Nothing is ever what I like, and I don't even know what I like. But apparently I will "know it when I see it". Actually, I take that back. I know what I like. It just costs ONE TRILLION dollars. Who am I kidding, I can't even afford anything from the $2 shop right now. Meh.

By the by, The new Sex & the City movie is coming out soon so I hit up the Patricia Field website for some obligatory fashion-envy. There is some hot ish on this site. However I never quite understood how the stylist of SATC could make four women look sooooo fabulous, yet make herself look like some kind of disheveled, ghetto-glam hobo grandma. In saying that, she would be a totally cool grandma. Anyway, check out these bits and pieces. Respect the sexy.