So here's the revelation: today I realised that I don't need to convince myself that my life is amazing. Today I actually believe it. Today I look back on the pain I experienced and I can say, I'm over it. I'm not sad anymore. I think there is a part of me that wants to stay sad; who wants to hold on to the memories and hold on to the fact that I was, in effect, a rebound girl for a good 5 months of my life. There is definitely a part of me that wants to hold onto the fact that I'm angry...for a lot of different reasons. It feels good to be angry. Then I remember that as much as it feels good to be angry, it feels better to be happy. When I realised that, it was easy for me to let go of the frustration and resentment.
There is a cool quote that I read the other day and it said:
"Don't stress over the things you can't control, control the things you stress over".
This has always been my philosophy I guess but the funny thing about humans is that we forget things. All the time. So it was nice to be reminded that at the end of the day, there are some things I can't do anything about - I can't control what other people think, their choices, how they feel about me or how they interpret my actions. What I can control is how I deal with it and whether I want to let myself wallow in sorrow or let the hurt go and move the fuck on.
Granted, there are some little tricks to help that whole moving on business. After being dumped the first time, I'm not ashamed to admit I was a pathetic mess. I was sooooo Carrie in the Sex & the City movie where she just sleeps for like 72 hours straight because the daylight, the reality of her life, was just too much to face. I remember it took me ages to get over my first love; being rejected broke me down and my confidence was shot. I'd lost my mojo for real. One night I remember going out with my girl Kristine and we started chatting to a couple of cute guys - correction, SHE started chatting to a couple of cute guys while I stood there nervously. Dude, this was weird. I remember thinking afterwards, "what's wrong with me?". I couldn't flirt and I sure as hell couldn't come up with anything witty or cute to say. Major fail. That's when I realised my mojo was gone and I needed to get it back, stat.
When I found myself in the dumpee role once again recently I vowed to myself that there was no way I was going to turn into that sad, little mojo-less freak that I had become last time. I was going to be strong. The person I always had been. I would not let this break up change me for the worse. Consequently I constructed my battle plan and put it into effect immediately.
#1 I joined a gym within a week. There was no way I was going to be caught crying in bed for hours on end (although I did give myself a couple days compassionate leave haha). This gave me time to focus on something which would make me feel good about myself and also became an opportunity to hang with my girl Annaliese and bitch about boys in the steam room.
#2 I cut all unnecessary contact with the Dumper. Ok, this was not so easy at first. I planned to stay friends so I didn't delete phone numbers, but I did delete him off Facebook. This is integral because you do NOT want to be seeing loved-up comments or gooey photos of ur ex with his new/old girl. (This somehow still ended up happening anyway, but the thought was there lol)
#3 Throw away or hide anything that reminds you of the person. Once again, we're keeping with the theme of "We don't wanna be thinkin bout u no more"
#4 Kiss another boy. Yes, KISS. I'm not saying fuck another guy ok. You're single, not a slut. Anyways, this little experience will show you that there is a life after break-up. I know you feel like there ain't no other guy for you out there but trust me, there is.
So that's how I got my mojo back. I think we can officially say, Minaj has re-entered the building. So let's cheers to the freakin weekend, I'll drink to that.
